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Five Times Spock found Jim with a Woman on Shore Leave + One Time Jim was with Spock the Whole Time
Title: Five Times Spock found Jim with a Woman on Shore Leave, and One Time Jim was with Spock the Whole Time
Author: thehauntedpiano
Fandom: Star Trek Reboot
Pairing: Spock/Kirk ( + a little bit of Kirk/others, minor Leonard/Nyota, past Spock/Uhura)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: “Jim’s acts of remembrance were extremely important to him, and he was quite skilled in grieving rituals. This fact was in and of itself tragic.” Jim and Spock share their grief and eventually their love.
Warning: Sex, including one incident of heterosexual alien sex therapy! (I know, wtf?) , voyeurism (but not really as a kink), angst, h/c, language, assumes Gaila is dead :(
Author’s Note: This is NOT a fic about Spock watching Jim hook up with a bunch of women. Most of Jim’s shore leaves do not involve sex, and I apparently have a very loose interpretation of “woman.” Er, you’ll see.
Beta: roadsidefury - thank you so much for your constructive crit and mad editing skillz!
Crossposted: Yea.
Disclaimer: Clearly, I own StarTrek. No really. (Okay, fine, that’s a lie. So sue me.)

Five Times Spock found Jim with a Woman on Shore Leave, and One Time Jim was with Spock the Whole Time


“We didn’t really know each other all that well, even though we were roommates, but it was really comfortable when she wasn’t bringing tons of guys back to the room.” Nyota’s voice was steady, but her eyes looked strangely lost. Spock was unsure how to comfort his friend, as this was straying much further into the realm of emotions than he was used to. He settled for simply walking beside her, hoping she would understand his silent support.

The new crew of the Enterprise had been granted shore leave before their first mission, and Spock had known that given his complicated situation with Nyota, he needed to settle things with her. He was uncertain how to explain to her their incompatibility, but she took the initiative in ending their brief liaison, apologizing for initiating a relationship while he was emotionally compromised. She asked only for his support as a friend.

Spock watched her as they walked. She spoke softly about the girl she had barely known, expressing guilt at having made an insufficient effort to befriend the Orion. She knew Gaila had had a lot of lovers, but she wasn’t sure how many real friends Gaila had, and she regretted not being one of them. Suddenly Nyota halted abruptly, eyes wide in shock.

Spock turned to see what had startled her, and felt his eyebrow cant upwards in surprise. Sprawled in the grass before Gaila’s headstone was Jim Kirk, dressed in jeans and a casual t-shirt, bottle in hand. He was laughing, face bright and open as Spock had ever seen it before.

Although Jim was alone, he was laughing and speaking quite loudly. “You should have seen the look on his face – I thought he was going to explode – but he just looked at me and said, Damnit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a samurai! And Hikaru just shrugged and handed him the katana anyway!” Jim burst out laughing and wiped the moisture from his eyes. “Seriously, Gaila, you would love all of them. The crew of the Enterprise is completely crazy.”

Spock and Uhura found themselves frozen, watching the strange display. Spock was once again baffled by the bizarre behavior of James T. Kirk. Visiting the grave of a deceased friend was certainly understandable, but Spock was unfamiliar with any human codes of behavior that dictated drinking and telling humorous stories before graves. Surely paying homage to the deceased was intended to be a solemn occasion?

“Okay, to understand the rest of the story, I have to explain Scotty better. I swear the man is constantly drunk, but completely brilliant. I would love to see you guys debate warp mechanics. His obsession with the Enterprise kind of borders on the unhealthy, but –”

Jim’s communicator interrupted his anecdote. “Just a second, babe,” he addressed the tombstone before answering the hail. “Kirk here.”

“Kirk, this is Archer.”

“Admiral, what can I do for you?”

“Kirk, are you at Starfleet Headquarters?”

“No, but I’m nearby. Just spending some quality time with a beautiful woman,” Kirk replied, voice smooth and controlled.

“Well, much as I hate to tear you away,” Archer said sarcastically, “I would like to see you in my office as soon as possible.”

“Certainly. Is everything all right, sir?”

“Yes. I just received some information pertinent to your next assignment.”

“Understood. I’ll be right there, sir. Kirk out.” Jim pocketed the communicator and looked at the tombstone for a moment. “I’ve gotta go, but I promise to come back as soon as I possibly can.” Jim’s smile vanished. “Look, I know that maybe I don’t really deserve to be Captain of a starship, but… I’m going to give this everything I have. You know I am. This is what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember.” Jim swallowed and wiped his eyes furiously. “I just always thought you’d be on my ship.” He shook his head and leaned forward to gently brush his lips over the gravestone. “I love you too, Gaila. I’m sorry I never told you.” The last words were spoken softly, with genuine emotion.

As Jim stood to answer Archer’s summons, Spock felt a hand on his arm. He looked at Nyota curiously, but allowed her to gently guide him out of Jim’s line of sight. They watched in silence as he jogged towards Starfleet Academy.

When Jim was out of earshot, Spock turned to Nyota. “May I inquire as to your motivations for concealing us?”

Nyota smiled. “What we just saw was private. It didn’t feel right to intrude.”

“Indeed. Is such behavior customary when visiting the grave of a deceased companion?” Spock asked, genuinely curious.

“ I don’t think anything about Jim Kirk’s behavior can be classified as customary,” she said with a soft laugh.

“You are pleased.”

“ Yes. I may not have known Gaila well, but I’m sure she would have appreciated that. It just… suited her. I guess Jim really did… understand her. I’m glad she had a friend like him.”

Spock was not entirely sure he understood, especially her reference to Jim as Gaila’s “friend”, but he decided to disregard it in favor of reevaluating his own prior convictions about James Kirk. Spock had never expected to hear him express such genuine sentiments of affection for a loved one, or such strong commitment to his Captaincy, tempered by a doubt that was normally well concealed behind a façade of confidence. The half-Vulcan mentally chided himself for failing to recognize that Jim’s normal displays of bravado could not be a true reflection of the complicated emotional state of a human being.

Spock walked with Nyota to stand before Gaila’s grave, and although it was a solemn experience, a soft smile remained on Nyota’s face. Jim Kirk caused that smile, he realized with a strange jolt. There was no reason to believe that Gaila benefited in any way from Jim’s storytelling, but Nyota certainly had. It was a highly unorthodox grieving ritual, but clearly an effective one. He filed this information away to be considered at length later.

While Spock had already made the decision to serve aboard the Enterprise, he now found himself even more anticipatory of the chance to better understand the curious mystery of James T. Kirk.


No one had seen or heard from Jim for 11.3 hours. Although Jim was free to spend shore leave in whatever manner he chose, it was Spock’s duty as First Officer to ensure that whatever manner that happened to be, it did not involve danger to Jim’s health. This was especially true in the wake of such a disastrous mission. Seven Enterprise crewmen had regrettably lost their lives, due to an unexpected explosion that Jim could not have prevented in any way. Jim had illogically blamed himself for the incident, as was consistent with his general model of behavior.

Spock was uncertain how the human would address this guilt, and thus decided it was prudent to locate him and ensure his safety. What he found was not at all what he expected. Jim was in a virtually unused corridor of the base, in a large, door-less room that contained a single couch-like bed.

The fact that Jim had chosen sexual congress as a means of relieving his stress was unsurprising, but while Spock acknowledged that there were many typical aspects of human sexuality he was unfamiliar with, he was fairly certain that this was not one of them. This was something else entirely. Jim was lying on his back, eyes closed and arms stretched out beside him on the bed. His palms were turned upwards and his fingers curled slightly. The woman above him had her head tilted back and her arms raised straight above her head, palms supine. A bright blue light emanated from every inch of her pale skin as she rhythmically moved her body against Jim’s. Words of an unknown language spilled from her lips.

Spock was spellbound. Sex, as he understood it, was generally a battle to stay in control against the sweeping forces of passion. It was an earthly, physical act, but Jim and the alien woman were clearly engaged in some sort of ritual. There seemed to be no loss of control, and while sex normally involved excessive touching, even for Vulcans, Jim and the woman seemed connected only along the seam of their hips. Jim’s facial expression was openly sorrowful.

Suddenly, Jim’s head tilted back further and a small noise escaped his lips as the woman’s glowing blue light spread across his skin, enveloping him completely. Jim’s mouth opened, and he spoke in harmony with the woman, the unknown words chanted as if in prayer. The pain seemed to be fading from Jim’s face and reappearing on the woman’s. Their voices rose in a steady crescendo until they reached a climax that accompanied physical release. After a moment of poised stillness, the woman lowered her arms and gently moved to sit beside Jim.

“Thank you,” Jim breathed out, in a soft voice completely at odds with how Spock would have expected Jim to behave in a sexual situation.

“Jim,” the woman said seriously, “You should have come to me sooner. You were carrying a great deal of sadness.”

Jim put a hand over his eyes. “I – I know,” he said. “I lost 7 crewmembers this week.”

“That was not the only recent scar on your heart.”

Removing the hand, Jim stared at her questioningly.

“You are still mourning the death of Vulcan.”

Spock felt his chest tighten at the mention of his home world.

His Captain replaced the hand on his face. “Yes,” he answered simply.

“I have taken away what sadness I can, but this is not the sort of grief that can be erased. You must experience it fully, and learn to live with it.” The woman looked down at him sympathetically for a moment, and then added softly, “We all must.”

Jim made a small choking noise. “I have to keep the rest?”

“Yes. Rest now.”

“Okay… I really do appreciate this, Alishia. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure,” she said, and smiled.

Spock stepped back from the scene, but knew he could not retreat fast enough to avoid detection. Alishia stepped out of the room and looked at him, no trace of surprise in her expression. She gently touched his arm and nodded towards the room. Spock was unsurprised that despite the physical contact, her mind was completely shielded from him.

He entered the room to see Jim staring blankly at the ceiling. Even Spock knew better than to say Captain at the moment. “Jim.”

Jim’s head whipped around to gape at him. “Spock?” He stared for several seconds before recalling his state of undress, and quickly stood to pull on his boxers and pants. “What are you doing here?”

“I was attempting to locate you.”

“…You succeeded. Uh, how long have you been standing there?”

“A brief time only,” Spock said, well aware of how vague his statement was. He moved to sit on the bed. Jim looked at him curiously before sitting beside him.

“May I inquire as the nature of your encounter with that woman?”

“ Ah, she’s an Atari. They, uh, use sex as a way to balance emotions and deal with depression. We were participating in the Avani, the cleansing.”

“I see. You are certain as to the safety of this ritual?”

“ Yea. I’ve done it a bunch of times before, and it’s actually Federation-sanctioned, just little known. I think only certain types of people end up participating in the Avani. It’s not the kind of thing you just stumble across.”

“It is regrettable that you have so often had need of such rituals.”

Jim’s laugh was bitter. “Ain’t that the truth.”

“Jim… I heard her mention that you grieved for Vulcan.”

Jim’s clear blue eyes immediately locked on to Spock’s, his lips poised to issue an apology.

“I hope that you do not blame yourself for the destruction of my home world,” he said softly. “There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

Jim’s mouth opened, then closed. He stared at his lap for a moment. “It’s not that. I mean, I suppose I still blame myself a little, but it’s not that…”

Spock raised a curious eyebrow.

When Jim looked at him again, those blue eyes were so filled with sorrow that Spock felt his breath momentarily cease. “It’s all those lives, Spock. All those lives gone in a single moment for the revenge of one angry Romulan. There’s absolutely nothing we can do, but, but… how are we supposed to just accept that?”

He did not know what to say. This human grieved so deeply for the loss of an alien world; surely the human psyche was not built to carry such grief.

Spock was unsure if what he was about to do was wise; he was uncertain as to whether or not he was emotionally capable of aiding Jim, and what such an action would do to his own admittedly fragile mental state. Still, this was a chance he desired to take. A chance he must take. “I do not know,” he said slowly. “All I can offer you is someone to share your grief with.”

Jim’s eyes widened, then softened. “Spock, do you want to tell me about Vulcan? I feel like the more people know, the more we can honor the memory.”

Spock was reminded of Jim’s visit to the graveyard. Jim’s acts of remembrance were extremely important to him, and he was quite skilled in grieving rituals. This fact was in and of itself tragic. “I would be honored, Jim.”

Spock could not help but find Jim’s answering smile beautiful.


Jim was a very attractive human. He was also quite skilled in displaying his attractive qualities. Spock watched him dancing with a young Betazoid woman in a manner that was clearly designed to elicit a sexual response.

It was working, Spock thought wryly. Despite the fact that he was clearly not the intended recipient of Jim’s seduction attempts, Spock found himself responding sexually to the provocative dancing. He once again questioned the prudence of agreeing to come to a local bar with the rest of the bridge crew. Still, it had been a difficult succession of missions, and he felt more comfortable observing Jim’s off-duty behavior to ensure that he was not overly troubled.

Sitting across the booth from him, Nyota and Dr. McCoy were talking animatedly with each other. He had long suspected that they were developing a romantic relationship; their current interaction seemed to confirm this theory.

“ Woah!” Nyota said suddenly. “Jim really can dance.” She shook her head and laughed.

Dr. McCoy looked over to see Jim holding the woman close against him, undulating in a mimicry of intercourse. He chuckled. “Jim’s too damn sexy for his own good,” he said.

“Sadly, I have to agree,” Nyota said, laughing. “If you tell him I said that, I’ll kill you.”

“Jim is indeed skilled at displaying his attractive qualities,” Spock said before he could stop himself.

Dr. McCoy and Nyota looked at him with identical expressions of surprise that turned slowly to comprehension. Spock took a moment to reflect on the fact that they were disturbingly similar before saying, “Nyota, Dr. McCoy, you appear surprised.”

“You can call me Leonard,” Dr. McCoy said. Clearly he was in a jovial mood. “And I guess I just didn’t think you’d notice Jimmy’s dancing, that’s all.”

Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, Spock…” Nyota’s facial expression indicated that she wished to say something, but was uncertain what response her comment would elicit.

“Yes, Nyota?”

“It’s just… Well, do you find Jim attractive?”

Spock was surprised. “Of course,” he said. “Jim is quite aesthetically pleasing.”

Dr. McCoy snorted into his drink.

“Well,” Nyota said. “I guess I just… didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Both you and Leonard have now expressed surprise that I have observed Jim’s attractiveness.”

“Well,” Nyota said, looking unsure. “Ever since Starbase 221, you and Jim have been spending a lot of time together.”

“Affirmative. I enjoy Jim’s company. Spending time together is beneficial to both our friendship and the smooth operation of the Enterprise.

“And now it’s ‘Jim,’ not ‘Captain,’” Dr. McCoy chimed in.

“Jim has requested I use his first name in social situations.”

“I see,” Nyota said.

But Spock did not. “Please clarify the implication of these comments,” he stated.

Nyota looked nervous.

“What Nyota is asking, Spock, is whether or not you’ve fallen in love with Jimmy.”

What?” Spock could not keep the surprise out of his voice.

Nyota and Dr. McCoy looked at him expectantly. He rapidly evaluated his relationship with Jim. Clearly, he found Jim sexually attractive. However, Jim was not the first being he had responded to sexually, and sexual attraction did not necessarily dictate romantic compatibility. Clearly Spock enjoyed spending time with Jim, as Jim was one of the most extraordinary beings he had ever known. He admired Jim’s intelligence and character, and cared for his physical and emotional welfare. Clearly… His eyes strayed to where the Captain was gracefully moving his hips and leaning to whisper in the woman’s ear. She threw her head back and laughed. Spock found himself irritated by the display.

“Spock, you still with us?” Nyota asked.

Spock’s eyes snapped back to Nyota’s. “I am unable to answer your question at this time,” he replied.

Dr. McCoy shook his head, eyes sparkling in amusement and perhaps something akin to sympathy. “That means ‘yes,’ Spock.”

Did it? Spock knew that he admired Jim, cared for him, was even attracted to him, but love? Surely not. He opened his mouth to inform his friends of this fact, but was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey Spock, how’s it going?”

Jim’s face was bright and warm and open, and suddenly Spock thought of him lying in a graveyard, talking to a tombstone. That day remained one of his most potent memories of Jim, a sort of long-standing reminder of Jim’s emotional depth, as well as his surprisingly insightful understanding of life and death.

“I am well, Jim,” he said. “What became of your companion?”

“Got bored,” he replied, shrugging and sliding into the booth beside Spock. Their legs touched under the table. “Besides, I came down here to hang out with all of you.”

“Sure you did,” Leonard said.

A wide grin spread across Jim’s face. “Why, whatever do you mean by that?”

“I believe Leonard’s implication is that you intend to solicit a sexual partner,” Spock said.

Jim burst into laugher; it was gratifying reaction. He smiled at Spock, and Spock found himself unable to look away. “Well then,” Jim said, “Leonard’s wrong.”

Nyota and Leonard decided to dance, and Jim and Spock sat in the booth and talked easily until they were interrupted by an Andorian woman.

“Hey,” she greeted Jim with a provocative smile. “Wanna dance?”

Spock allowed himself to feel slightly pained that Jim was about to exchange his company for the woman’s. Still, he was not in love with Jim. Surely he could not be.

Jim smiled at the woman. “Sorry, gorgeous, but I actually have to leave in a minute. I hope I’ll see you again sometime.”

She pouted. “Just one dance?”

Jim flashed gleaming white teeth. “You’re too beautiful for just one dance,” he said.

She looked slightly mollified. “Well, see you around, then.”

As she slipped away into the throng of people, Jim turned to Spock. “Hey Spock, want to get out of here?”

Spock was sure he had misheard. If he was correct, this statement was normally used in social settings to initiate a sexual encounter. Feigned ignorance was probably the best course of action. “Where did you wish to go, Captain?”

Jim smiled, and Spock realized that he would never tire of seeing it. “Want to go back to the Enterprise and play chess?”

“Yes.” He very much did.


Shore leave on Earth was rare. As 88.6% of the Enterprise crew was human, and 68.9% were born on Earth, it was a particularly valued experience. Spock was therefore unsurprised that as soon as the ship was safely in spacedock, people began departing to their respective destinations.

Spock would be lying if he did not acknowledge that Earth was an important place to him. After the destruction of Vulcan, it was the only planet he could label “home.” It was also the place he had begun to experience real acceptance, an experience that culminated in his assignment on the Enterprise.

Spock planned to spend his shore leave at Starfleet Headquarters, as there were several extraordinarily promising experiments he wished to observe. Before he departed, he intended to ask Jim to play a last game of chess, but the human was proving quite difficult to locate.

In the transporter bay he came across Doctor McCoy. “Dr. McCoy, are you privy to the Captain’s location?”

McCoy looked up from the duffle bag he was jamming PADDs into. “Jim? He already headed back to Iowa.”

“Indeed?” Spock inquired.

“Yea, back to the Kirk farm in Riverside.” McCoy peered at him curiously. “Why?”

“It is imperative that I locate the Captain,” Spock replied; the statement was only partially untrue. “He is visiting his mother?”

“Yep. What did you need Jimmy for?”

Spock paused, finding the Doctor’s scrutinizing gaze slightly unnerving. He settled on: “I have never heard Jim discuss his mother, or other members of his family.”

“Ah, well, that’s Jim’s way,” he said, shrugging. “And there isn’t a lot of ‘other family.’ His brother died a few years ago.”

Spock’s eyebrows rose. He had not been aware that Jim had a brother. “Indeed,” he said softly.

McCoy’s grave expression suddenly betrayed a hint of amusement. “Are you planning to follow Jim to Iowa?”

“That would be illogical, Dr. McCoy. Thank you for your assistance,” Spock replied, turning to leave the room.

He passed Nyota on the way out.

“Have a good shore leave, Spock,” she said, grinning widely. Spock wondered briefly if she planned to spend it with Dr. McCoy.

“Hey, Spock,” the Doctor drawled.

Spock paused but did not turn around.

“You’re not doing so good at the whole pretending-not-to-be-in-love-with-Jim thing.”

Spock did not respond, but returned to his quarters and pondered the conversation. He found himself strangely unsettled by Jim’s shore leave destination. His eidetic memory supplied various comments about the Kirk family to justify this concern.

“Winona Kirk? Ah, she went a bit psycho after George Kirk died.”

“Well, maybe James Kirk was a trouble-making kid, but who can blame him? No dad, crazy mom, stepdad who apparently wasn’t that great a guy… There were even rumors of abuse…”

“The woman had a son that she left with some strange man to go chase after the stars. Could
you do something like that to a kid?”

These comments were characteristic of discussions about Jim’s family, usually conducted in whispers by humans wearing sympathetic expressions. The absence of Jim’s father was often cited, as was the apparent mental instability of his mother. Winona Kirk had remarried once, but the marriage had ended after 3.18 years.

What would it be like for Jim to return to such a household? He had been through a great deal in the past several months, and although his grief had begun to subside, returning to his childhood home might reignite it. Spock would not abandon him to deal with this grief alone. He had committed to sharing Jim’s pain, and it was not a responsibility he bore lightly. Decision made, he booked transit on the next hovercraft to Iowa.

He arrived at the Kirk farm late in the evening, and could not help glancing around curiously to observe the acres of farmland, and marveling at the fact that Jim Kirk had roamed these stretches of land as a child.

There were lights on in the main house. Spock mentally prepared himself for whatever distressing scene he might discover there, and knocked on the door.

“Just a second!”

14 seconds later, the door opened, revealing a remarkably beautiful red-haired woman. She smiled warmly. “Can I help you?”

Spock stared.

“Who is it?” came Jim’s voice.

Spock glanced around Winona Kirk to see Jim, and felt a strange sense of warmth flood his body at the sight of him. Jim was sitting at the kitchen table, dressed in red and white flannel pajamas. His bare feet were tucked under the chair, and hands clutched a steaming mug, the contents of which Spock’s sensitive nose identified as hot chocolate. His hair was slightly mussed, and Spock could identify only one word appropriate to describe his appearance: cute.

He mentally shook himself for engaging in such thoughts.

Jim’s eyes widened at the sight of him. He stood up. “Spock! What are you doing here?”

Spock had no idea how to answer. Jim did not seem to be experiencing any distress. “You disembarked rather suddenly; I wished to be certain of your welfare.”

Jim’s surprise softened into amused affection. “Aww Spock, you worry too much. Come on in – if you haven’t guessed, this is my mom.”

“Please, call me Winona,” the woman said pleasantly. Spock was momentarily afraid she might shake his hand, but to his surprise she raised her hand in a Vulcan salute.

Of course, Spock reminded himself, Winona Kirk was a Starfleet officer. He returned the salute and entered the house.

“Mom, this is my First Officer, Spock.”

Winona smiled. “Jimmy’s told me all about you,” she said.

Spock raised a querying eyebrow. “Indeed?”

Jim’s face flushed attractively. “Mom!”

Winona laughed mischievously, and swept past Jim towards the refrigerator. “Spock, would you like something to eat?”

“I do not require nourishment at this time.” He hesitated briefly. “However, I am grateful for the offer.”

Winona laughed. “Of course. I don’t make a lot of vegetarian dishes, since Jimmy’s so fond of meat, but I can definitely whip something up tomorrow.”

Spock paused, allowed himself to be impressed at Winona’s knowledge of Vulcan dietary customs, and then considered her implication that he would still be at the Kirk farm the next day. He had not intended to impose on Jim’s time with his mother, as his support seemed unnecessary. “Thank you for your kindness. I do not wish to intrude further on – “

“It’s no intrusion. We’re happy to have you, right Jimmy?”

Jim smiled warmly, easily. He looked completely relaxed. “Of course. Unless you have someplace else to be, Spock?”

“Negative,” Spock replied slowly.

“Excellent!” Winona cried. “Do have some hot chocolate, I insist!”

A few hours later, Spock found himself lying on the bunk that had belonged to Jim’s older brother. Jim was climbing into the bunk above him, still wearing the flannel pajamas. Spock was now similarly clad, as Winona had insisted that his own attire was insufficient for the cold night.

Jim flopped on the bed and stuck his head over the edge to glance down at Spock. “I can’t believe she’s got you wearing flannel pajamas,” he said, sounding amused. His eyes flicked up and down Spock’s form.

Spock clamped down on the heat Jim’s gaze ignited in his stomach. “Indeed. Your mother is quite…”

Demanding? Yea, I know,” Jim laughed, allowing his head to rest out of Spock’s line of sight.

A nearly silent sigh of relief escaped Spock’s lips. “Jim, if I might make a personal query.”

“What is it?”

“There are numerous rumors regarding your mother’s mental stability,” he stated. “They seem to be markedly inaccurate.”

Jim was silent for a moment. Then he laughed. “Spock, my family makes a great sob story – the brave Starfleet Captain who sacrificed himself, the grieving widow, the troublemaking younger son. It’s all really hyped up. I mean, we’ve had our problems, sure…” Jim’s breath hitched slightly. “Like my brother’s death, and my stepdad… I think mom married him for my sake, trying to give me a ‘normal’ family, but the Kirks have never been very good at normal.” Spock could hear Jim’s shrug. “My mom had a hard time after my dad died – of course she did – but we made do, and it’s not like she actually went crazy or anything. She’s always been pretty weird. But she’s my mom, and I love her.”

“I can see that,” Spock said softly.

“Spock… Are those rumors why you came here?”

“Affirmative… I was concerned that if you returned home, it would be detrimental to your emotional well-being. I did not wish you to grieve alone.”

The response was very soft. “Thank you, Spock.”

“It would appear, however, that I am able to witness a much more pleasant Jim Kirk ritual.”

Jim laughed. “A Jim Kirk ritual, eh?”

“Indeed. A reunion between you and your mother.”

“Yea.” Jim yawned. “That can go both ways, you know. I want to hear about your childhood, too.”

“That would be acceptable.”

Jim yawned again. “We can talk about it more tomorrow… Hey, Spock, do you know how to ride horses?”

“No, Jim… But I would be willing to learn.”

"Excellent!” Jim clapped his hands softly.

Spock could picture Jim’s smiling face; it reminded him of Winona.

He allowed himself to look forward to the remainder of shore leave.


Over the last few months, Jim had devoted an increasing percentage of time to his friendship with Spock. They had become close friends who spoke freely with each other on a range of topics, and whose interests correlated to a surprisingly high degree. Furthermore, Jim had ended up spending the majority of the last three shore leaves with Spock. Given these facts, Spock began to harbor silent hopes that Jim would choose to spend the upcoming shore leave with him.

While he mentally prepared himself to inquire about Jim’s plans, Dr. McCoy preempted him. “Hey, Jim, you will never believe the place I found for us –”

“Can’t, Bones.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have plans… with someone very special.”

Dr. McCoy looked surprised; his eyes flicked to Spock briefly, then locked back on Jim’s bright blue eyes. “Since when is there a ‘someone special,’ eh?”

“Not what you think, Bones,” Jim said with a bright smile. “But I’m staying on the ship for shore leave. Tell everyone I’m sorry.”

“Your loss, then.”

Spock was extremely curious. With whom did Jim intend to spend his shore leave? Spock felt an illogical swelling of emotion in his chest, and correctly identified it as hope.

“Heya, Spock,” Jim said, smiling wide.

Spock was extremely pleased at the ease with which Jim smiled recently.

“Have a great shore leave, okay. I’ll see you in a couple days,” Jim said, clapping his hand on Spock’s shoulder.

Spock watched the smiling Captain disappear in surprise. Unfortunately, it seemed that Jim’s statement had inspired other emotions as well. It was extremely illogical for Spock to be jealous of whomever Jim had decided to spend his shore leave with. It was also not Spock’s concern, but he could not quell a burning desire to identify and perhaps incapacitate Jim’s companion.

These thoughts were completely illogical. Spock forced himself to return to the science lab, where he would continue to work on a particularly fascinating experiment. He found he had no desire to visit the planet without Jim. Spock tried to concentrate on the calculation of crystal densities, but his brain capacity allowed him to address the experiment and think about Jim at the same time.

7.24 hours into shore leave, Spock decided that the only way to eliminate his distracting feelings was to locate Jim. Using the computer to locate him seemed to be a misuse of his First Officer privileges, but Spock decided to disregard the infraction in favor of expediency.

As usual, Jim surprised him. When Spock entered the room that housed the warp core, he saw Jim lying on the floor, head and face buried in the wiring. Lying beside him, to Spock’s great surprise, was Lieutenant Scott.

Spock was shocked and hurt. Jim had chosen the company of Lieutenant Scott over his own?

“Cap’n, if you reroute the circuit through this generator –”

“Yes, got it.”

“Ah, be sure to seal that coupling.”

“Aaand DONE! Hell. Yes.”

The two men disengaged from the equipment and sprawled across the floor. Spock could not deny the glazed look of happiness in Jim’s eyes. Did he truly enjoy Lieutenant Scott’s company so much?

“Cap’n, that was stroke of pure genius,” Scott said, voice tired but excited.

“Couldn’t have done it without you, Scotty. That should increase engine efficiency by 1.7%. Next we need to try that phase converter inversion you suggested.”

“Aye, Cap’n. It should be possible, provided we’re sure not to overload the generators.… By the by, I do hope ye don’t mind giving up your shore leave to work on the engines with me.”

“You know I’d do anything for our beautiful lady,” Jim said. He turned his head to gaze at the warp core. “This is one of the best shore leaves I’ve ever had.”

“She is a beaut, i’nt she, Cap’n? Have ye ever seen anything that could compare to those naceles?”

Jim laughed. “Not sure I have, Scotty. Say, you ready to get back to work?”

“I thought ye’d never ask.”

Understanding flooded Spock’s mind. He had not been abandoned for Lieutenant Scott; it was the Enterprise itself that had captured Jim’s attention. The Enterprise herself, Spock corrected, was Jim’s “someone special.”

This was quite possibly the most endearing fact Spock had yet discovered about his Captain. He watched in wonder as Jim’s face lit up. Still, he had already allowed Jim ample time with the woman of his dreams.


Jim and Lieutenant Scott turned to look at him in surprise.

“Spock, what are you doing here?” Jim asked.

“Captain… Jim, I am certain I can be of some assistance with your engine modifications.”

Jim’s face lit up, and Spock actually felt his heartbeat falter for 1.5 seconds.

“Awesome! See, we’re planning to reroute the secondary power generators in order to… Hey, Spock?”

“Yes, Jim?”

“You’re sure this is how you want to spend shore leave?”

“Affirmative.” Spock decided to employ an illogical human colloquialism. “There is nowhere I would rather be.” In this case, it was true.

Jim’s answering smile was utterly worth the linguistic concession. “I knew you secretly loved the Enterprise as much as I do!” Jim cried, turning back to the engines.

Spock moved to kneel beside his grinning Captain, relishing Jim’s pleased expression as well as the knowledge that he was partially responsible for it. In that moment, Spock found himself unable to further deny the truth: it was not the Enterprise that he secretly loved.

+ One

Spock stood outside his Captain’s door for 12.2 seconds before ringing for entrance. There was no answer, just as Spock had predicted. He keyed in the code that would allow him access to Jim’s quarters, telling himself that this act was solely for his Captain’s sake, and had nothing to do with his hidden feelings.

Curled up on the bed, looking strangely small and incredibly vulnerable, was the Captain of the Enterprise.

Spock approached cautiously, unsure of how Jim would react.

When Jim spoke, his voice was surprisingly calm. “Spock, when someone doesn’t answer their door, it means they don’t want you to come in.

One eyebrow ticked upwards. “On the contrary, Jim, while requesting that I not enter might convey such a meaning, failure to respond indicates a potential emergency, and thus requires further investigation.”

Jim’s laugh was utterly without humor. “Look, Spock, I appreciate that you’re looking out for me and all that, but I really, really need to be alone right now.”

“I do not believe that solitude is conducive to improving your emotional state.”

“I’m tired, Spock. Very tired. I just need to rest.”

Considering Jim’s unmoving form for 24.3 seconds brought Spock to a conclusion: whatever was troubling Jim was not exclusively the result of the most recent mission. Especially given Jim’s role: “Your ingenuity and insightfulness saved at least 2,756 lives on the planet,” Spock said softly. “None of the crew was severely injured.” Jim made a small noise of grief, and watched as the Vulcan sat down beside him on the bed. “I do not know the source of your distress, but I am prepared to share it with you.”

The human curled further in on himself, hiding his face beneath his arm. Spock had never seen him look so small, so pained, so vulnerable.

“What is it, Jim?” he asked softly, and ran a hand gently through lanky blond hair.

“I can’t explain,” Jim finally answered. He pulled his arm away from his face, revealing eyes that glistened with unshed tears. “I can show you,” he said, trying to keep his voice even, “but it would be… very unpleasant for you.”

They had never before used a meld to convey grief, but Spock reached for Jim’s face without hesitation. As soon as Spock entered Jim’s mind, he was assaulted with images – pain, screaming, children fighting over scraps of bread, and fire… so much fire. Flames licked at Jim’s heels as he scrambled for something resembling safety, his stomach too pained to protest its hunger. Ash rained from the sky, caught in his hair, on his clothes. The smell… the smell would never fade. It was permanently tattooed into his memory.

Spock found himself too horrified to think clearly about what he was seeing, but Jim’s mind supplied an explanation: Tarsus IV. And then Spock understood, for the situation they had encountered on their last mission was close to becoming a reenactment of Tarsus IV.

Other words came back to Spock’s mind, words to describe the Avani cleansing ritual: It’s not the kind of thing you just stumble across, Jim had said.

It is regrettable that you have so often had need of such rituals.

Ain’t that the truth…

Jim was hiding in an unused shed with a small girl, whose skin intermittently flared with blue light. Alishia, Spock realized.

They were too young for the Avani ritual, but she took Jim’s hand and reached for his grief, taking as much as she could, pouring into him all of her compassion.

I can take away no more of your grief, she whispered, but I can hear your heart’s wish to speak: tell me of your friends who are gone.

Jim had cried and stumbled over the words as he talked of the people he’d lost.

Jim, Alishia whispered as they boarded the shuttles, Come to me when you are in need, when you are in pain. I wish to be a friend to you.

Jim grasped her hand, unable to express his gratitude.

She had done so much for him, but Jim was still alone. So very alone, Jim’s subconscious whispered.

You are not alone. You will never be alone. Spock poured into Jim’s mind all the affection he had for his friend, and gently soothed his grief, mentally shouldering what he could of Jim’s burden. Jim, you stopped Tarsus IV from happening again. You have saved so many people. Now let me help you, let me be at your side.

Jim silently accepted Spock’s comfort, and slowly Spock felt Jim’s grief fading. It ached, but it was bearable. Spock knew that there would always be a place in Jim’s mind that ached for those lost on Tarsus IV. No amount of comfort could erase that, just as no amount of comfort could erase the loss of Vulcan. Still, shared grief was much easier to bear.

This meld thing is kind of awesome, Jim said, a trace of humor in the thought.

Indeed. It would appear to be an effective way of combating grief; to mentally share it with another.

Jim’s mental laugh was bright and clear. I guess I don’t need Alishia anymore… if you’re going to be at my side.

Trying to hide the joy Jim’s words inspired, Spock replied, I will always be at your side, Jim.

Can we hold the meld a little longer?


13.2 minutes later, Spock gently disengaged from Jim’s mind.

Warm blue eyes looked up at him. “You really do like me, huh Spock?”

Spock froze. Throughout the experience, some part of him had been mindful of the fact that Jim might discern his hidden desires. However, the word like was extremely vague. It could mean anything; Spock decided to make no assumptions. “Indeed, you are my Captain and my friend.”

Jim nodded, and then sat up, leaned forward, and pressed his lips softly, briefly, against Spock’s.

The shock was too much; Spock could do nothing but stare.

“Was I wrong?” Jim asked calmly.

“No. No, you were not wrong, Jim.”

“Good,” Jim said, and kissed him again, gently, lovingly. It was far too brief, in Spock’s opinion, but he allowed himself to be pulled down to lie beside Jim, who moved gloriously into his personal space and rubbed his nose against Spock’s. “I need to sleep now, but I’d really like it if you stayed.”

“Of course, Jim,” Spock replied, unable to quite believe this was happening. Then he tilted his head slightly and observed Jim’s relaxed face. “Jim, I wish to inquire as to your shore leave plans.”

“No plans,” came the response.

“Then I request that you accompany me to the surface of the planet.” Spock had wanted to make this request so many times that he could scarcely believe he had actually spoken the words.

“Of course, Spock.” A slow smile spread across Jim’s face, and he drifted off to pleasant dreams.

Spock allowed himself to feel accomplished, and wondered if Jim’s actions meant what he hoped they did.


Spock and Jim elected to wander one of the planet’s many spectacular caves. They did not discuss the events of the night previous, but instead wandered and admired and spoke amiably. Although Spock felt slightly anxious, he was extremely pleased that Jim had agreed to spend shore leave with him – and had not invited anyone to join them.

Sunlight filtered through openings in the cave’s ceiling, revealing a large, open structure filled with numerous gleaming crystals. The cave floor was peppered with small pools of water that glowed in soft pinks and greens from the crystals beneath.

Spock watched with pleasure as Jim’s face lit up at the sight. “My God, Spock. It’s – it’s beautiful.”

“Indeed,” Spock replied, his eyes locked on Jim’s grinning face. He allowed his eyes to flick over Jim’s form, noting the relaxed set of his shoulders.

“Come on!” Jim cried, walking quickly forward to examine the crystal formations. He seized Spock’s hand and pulled him along.

Spock allowed himself to be pulled, struggling to fight down the sensations incited by Jim’s grasp. He really must inform Jim as to the sensitivity of Vulcan hands… later.

As they journeyed further into the cave, they came upon a much larger pool of water, glowing a soft, luminescent blue. Jim dropped his hand, and Spock felt like groaning at the loss. Jim’s hand dipped into the water. “Wow,” he whispered. “It must be because of the crystals, but the water is really… soft. It’s also a perfect temperature for swimming.”

Spock was vaguely alarmed. He knew that he could politely decline the invitation to swim, but Jim would probably elect to swim only partially clothed, if that. “Vulcans are not fond of bathing, Jim,” he said softly.

Jim frowned. “You don’t mind if I do, do you?”

“Negative,” Spock replied softly.

Eyes glinting and lips curving into a delighted smile, Jim slowly pulled off his shirts, keeping his eyes locked on Spock’s. The Vulcan resisted the urge to gulp as Jim revealed the broad planes of his chest. With a mischievous wink, Jim bent down to remove his boots, and then turned around, looking over his shoulder as he slipped off his pants. Spock swallowed hard as Jim’s black boxer-briefs were revealed.

Spock,” Jim drawled. “You going to be okay if I take these off? You’re looking a little… green.”

Ah, Spock realized. He is intentionally baiting me. Spock was not incapable of retaliation. “I have changed my mind,” Spock announced. “I will join you.” He caught a glimpse of Jim’s eyes widening as he pulled of his own shirts. It made Spock uncomfortable to be this bold, but Jim’s gaze sweeping over his chest, igniting heat in his stomach, confirmed that the action was welcome. Spock folded his shirts and set them on the cave floor.

“You folded your shirts,” Jim said in a low voice. “Why the hell do I find that hot?”

Looking up from his boots, Spock met Jim’s gaze. The human’s dilated eyes indicated arousal.

“Spock, close your eyes.”

“For what purpose?”

“Just do it.”

“Very well.”

3.2 seconds later, Spock heard a loud splash. Opening his eyes and quickly scanning the area, Spock observed that Jim’s boxer-briefs had joined the pile on the floor, and ripples in the water indicated that Jim had entered the pool. Spock quickly shed the rest of his clothes and slipped quietly into the pool, the soft water caressing his sensitive skin in unexpected pleasure.

Jim surfaced and gazed at him expectantly. “Spock,” he said in a disappointed voice, “I didn’t think you’d make it in so fast.”

Not trusting himself to speak, the Vulcan merely raised an eyebrow. Jim laughed in response, and flopped backwards, gazing up at the crystal-studded cave ceiling. His golden body seemed to be reflecting the crystal’s light. Or perhaps, Spock thought, rather illogically, the crystals merely release his own light.

“I definitely needed this. So relaxing,” Jim said, closing his eyes.

Moving silently but swiftly through the water, Spock arrived at Jim’s side, and boldly ran a hand along Jim’s face.

The human sputtered slightly, head dipping beneath the water. He was laughing when he resurfaced. “Well, Spock, for someone who doesn’t like water you sure can swim.”

“Have you forgotten that swimming is a mandatory part of Starfleet training for all species who are not harmed by the experience?”

That smile would never be anything but beautiful. “Of course not, Spock.” The blue crystal’s light was somehow reflected in his hair, causing it to glow slightly. Jim leaned close and pressed his lips against Spock’s before swimming quickly away.

Spock followed, finally cornering Jim on a small shelf of smooth rock that jutted out into the pool. “Well, Mr. Spock,” Jim said playfully, “I am at your disposal.”

“Indeed.” Spock leaned forward and, for the first time, initiated a kiss between them.

Groaning and pulling the Vulcan closer, Jim deepened the kiss. Their limbs tangled together, half-floating, half-resting on the rock shelf. The human body was slick and soft against Spock’s own.

Disengaging from the kiss was extremely difficult. “Jim,” Spock was shocked to discover the low register of his voice. “I have no experience beyond this.”

“You’ve never been with a guy?”

“I have never ‘been with’ anyone.”

Surprise registered on Jim’s features. “Really? Not even Uhura?”

“Negative. Nyota and I never engaged in a physical relationship.”

“Woah. So… I’ll be your first? That’s… really, really hot.” Jim licked his lips provocatively. “Are you ready to do more, Spock? It’s okay if you want to wait.”

“I believe I have waited long enough.”

Laughter caused Jim’s eyes to sparkle. Most illogical. “And how long is that, Spock?”

Spock calculated the exact time he had desired Jim, but decided to keep it to himself in favor of answering, “Forever.”

This earned him another kiss. “I’ll teach you,” Jim whispered against his lips, and Spock moved closer to Jim beneath the glowing blue water. Jim pulled them flush against each other, bringing their erections into contact and causing Spock to gasp out. “Feels good, yeah?” Jim whispered against his neck, and then started to nuzzle and bite the sensitive skin.


Jim thrust against him slowly, and Spock found himself thrusting back. It seemed impossible that such simple contact could elicit so much pleasure. Suddenly a hand was grasping his, running smooth caresses over his knuckles, between his fingers. Spock still had the presence of mind to be surprised.

“The rumors that I’ve been around the block aren’t entirely inaccurate,” Jim said, answering Spock’s unanswered question.

Jim’s former promiscuity was of no concern to Spock. Only the future mattered. “Jim, if we are to proceed, I must have your assurances that you will no longer engage in such activities with anyone but myself.”

“Of course, Spock,” Jim whispered. “Don’t you know how crazy I am about you?”

And somehow, Spock did know. Spock knew that he was the only one who would have full access to Jim’s grief… and his love. Jim shared so much of himself, for which Spock was overwhelmingly grateful.

Despite the extremely pleasant sensations, Spock could not find the purchase to thrust hard enough against Jim. He groaned in frustration.

“Spock,” Jim ground out, voice slightly strained. “Do you want to fuck me?”

The words sent a spike of pleasure through Spock’s body. “I – I am familiar with the theory –”

“I got you Spock,” Jim whispered. “Here, sit on the ledge.” They exchanged positions; Jim was now floating above him. “Now, before I let you inside me, I need to see what I’m getting into.”

Before Spock could inquire as to Jim’s meaning, the human was ducking under the waves, kicking out slightly to propel himself towards Spock, and then Spock felt hands on his hips, and a human tongue running along his erection. He gasped aloud and thrust forward. The sensation of being licked underwater was extremely odd, as the tongue’s wetness was not a contrast to the environment. Thus it was merely a matter of texture and pressure. Spock found it quite exquisite. He gasped aloud as Jim’s whole mouth closed around him and moved gently up and down. The sensation of being in Jim’s mouth and in the water, the smooth heat of Jim’s mouth and throat, was unimaginable.

Unfortunately, Jim had to breathe; he surfaced a moment later and took in Spock’s uncharacteristically emotional face.

“I can tell you enjoyed that,” Jim said in a low voice. “And that’s another route we could follow to completion. But probably not under the circumstances. Now, I’m already wet from all this water, but you have to prepare me, or it’s going to hurt.”

“I have an alternative suggestion,” Spock replied, and reached for Jim’s face. After receiving an affirming nod, Spock slipped into Jim’s mind and gently instructed the muscles of his rectum to relax.

Jim’s eyes widened at the sensation. “Holy – holy fuck.” The human grasped Spock’s hips and pulled himself down onto Spock’s erection, which entered the relaxed hole easily.

They moaned simultaneously, grasping at each other’s hips and rocking against each other. “God, so good,” Jim panted.

Spock had never experienced such pleasure. Being inside Jim’s body and mind, physically joining with him while simultaneously using the meld not for grief, but for love. This was all about love. Their pleasures ricocheted back and forth between their joined minds.

Jim’s head arched back as he rocked against Spock. Unsure at first but rapidly gaining confidence, Spock arched up into him. They found a steady rhythm; it was not rapid, couldn’t be rapid beneath the clear blue water, but Spock could feel their pleasure climbing towards something wonderful, something finally within grasp.

“Touch me,” Jim whispered.

A Vulcan hand closed over his erection and stroked in time with their thrusts. Spock could not hold out for long, and soon he was coming inside Jim. Riding out the aftershock of the pleasure, Spock realized that Jim had not yet reached completion.

“Don’t worry,” Jim said, anticipating Spock’s apology. “For your first time, that was amazing… Now, normally you need to work up to being penetrated, but if you can control your muscles like you controlled mine…”

“Affirmative. Jim, please. I desire that you penetrate me as well.”

Jim grinned, and pulled himself off Spock’s cock, which seemed to already be filling again. He gently grasped the Vulcan’s legs as Spock used one hand on the edge of the pool to steady himself. “Ready?” Jim whispered.

Spock nodded, and then Jim was slipping easily inside of him. “Ohh.” Experimentally, Spock clenched his muscles, eliciting a long moan from his beautiful lover. Delighted, Spock clenched again.

Jim thrust harder, and suddenly he was brushing something inside of Spock, causing the Vulcan to cry out in pleasure. He had fully recovered his erection; human fingers ran along the firm length.

Gently disengaging from the meld, no longer necessary given that their minds seemed to be firmly entwined, Spock reached down to meet Jim’s hand. They stroked together, fingers entwined in a Vulcan kiss.

Jim released inside of him, and at the same moment Spock came for a second time.

“Amazing,” Jim whispered as he pulled out gently. They moved to embrace.

Spock felt sated and complete, and if Jim’s lazy stroking was any indication, his new lover felt the same.

“This, Mr. Spock, is the best shore leave ever.”

Spock was inclined to agree.

Please Review!

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ooh thank you so much! tee hee the last fic of the night is very important!

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oh my, thank you so very much! i'm so glad you liked it!

That was gorgeous. I didn't see any reviews yet, and it had to be remedied. Seriously, this was instantly on my rec bookmarks.
Gorgeous and sexy and I want to cuddle them both.

thank you so much! i'm so glad you liked it! (and *squeal* for making it to bookmarks!)

your icon is beautiful, btw

There is a very real beauty and tenderness here that was perfect set and described. The way the Spock himself changes, from being apart from Jim and seeing him only as a puzzle to friendship and more was just well done.


*blush* this review makes me so happy! i'm so glad you liked the progression of feelings :)thank you so much for reviewing!

I never told you how much I loved the part with Spock meeting Winona, did I? I love that he thought he was charging in for the rescue, but that Winona actually turned out to be the opposite of her rumoured self [: And Jim's flannel jammies! *swoons*
Of course, you know how I feel about Gaila D: (I will upload my Gaila icon JUST FOR THIS OCCASION!) I love that Jim loved her, and I love his interaction with her, even if it's just with her grave - which is tragic, and terrible, and beautiful, and the story of Jim's life imo D:
And I loved the use of Alishia, and how at first it didn't quite make sense how Jim would have discovered this method of grief management, and why - outside of speculation drawn from TOS instances or fanon - he'd even need to make use of it, and how she ended up having relevance to the plot and significance to Jim [:
ALSO, SEX. Obviously the sex was sexy :D The pool of water, and the fact that it was SOFT! And glowy :D Glowy made me happy~ But the softness! I had a point about the softness! The fact that you bothered to even make it anything other than normal water, that you gave it temperature and visuals and SOFTNESS made it so much more realistic, which made it so much better.
This is so out of order, hahaa. The Jim and Scotty interaction made my heart warm, and the fact that The Enterprise was their lady~ AND OH GOD THE TARSUS. SKDBSBGEJKBGESG TARSUS IV, HOW DID YOU KNOW OF MY WEAK KNEES FOR TARSUS? *swoons once more* I can't even handle how fantastically you worked it in too *fans self* The same thing with Alishia and her relevance to the story, how it wasn't used as just a trivial thing, but the ...the word that I'm searching for has eluded me due to the fact that it is 4am (curse you daylight savings) so let's just call it the straw that breaks the camel's back? It serves to bring them together, and it's a huge thing for Jim to offer up to share, so it hold the proper weigh to be THE CATALYST (that was the word I wanted) :D
Virgin unsure Spock was so lovely too [:

Now that I have put all the other comments to shame (but not really since all I did was ramble forever LOL), I bid thee good morrow! *bows out*

Marry me and have my fic babies?

Random snippet I particularly liked:

It was also not Spock’s concern, but he could not quell a burning desire to identify and perhaps incapacitate Jim’s companion.

Lovely stuff. Great characterisation. Deliciously slow burn. Write on!:-)

YES LET'S GET MARRIED AND HAVE LITTLE FIC BABIES! bc I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. you write such amazing fic! (i used to review under a different lj so if you don't see my love there somewhere that's why).

tee hee i'm so glad you liked it! thank you so much for reviewing!

So beautiful! And very powerful! The Gaila/Kirk prompt had me crying. Powerful, powerful writing!

oh thank you so very much! this review makes me really happy *offers tissues*

Forgive me if this somehow appears twice, but I think LJ ate my last comment, huh.

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this insight into Jim. In particular, the scene at Gaila's grave was heart-warming and provided a lovely tenderness and depth to their relationship and who Jim is at heart.

thank you so much! i'm so glad you liked it.. it makes me so happy to hear words like "tenderness" associated with this fic - that's exactly what i was going for.

This is quite simply one of the best things I've ever read. The way you've written Spock gradually uncovering all these different layers to Jim and starting to understand and then love him - just beautiful. And romantic. Above all, romantic :-)

*blush* thank you! thank you so much! i'm so glad you liked it. and i love the idea of jim having all these different layers :)

btw your icon really makes me want to hug wee!spock

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omg THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS AMAZINGLY EPIC REVIEW! you seriously rock my world!

Your magical writing has once again forced me to enjoy bottom Kirk!
Tee hee hee GIVE IN TO THE DARK SIDE. I mean, uh... thank you! i'm so glad you liked even though it's not normally your cup of tea! and "magic writing?" awwww

Jim and Alishia with the Aveni ritual was gorgeously sexy in a morbid kind of way and you wrote it just so that my stomach actually did not clench in disgust of Jim being with anybody other than Spock.
I know what you mean! It's hard for me to read about the boys w/ anyone but each other, so I'm really glad this didn't put you off! This scene just WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE, so I gave in and wrote it. even though it's kind of mad weird.

I find nu!Uhura irritating in most stories but I absolutely fell in love with her here.
Awww YAY. I'm so glad you liked her! she's definitely grown on me, a lot. i was just inclined to dislike her at first bc she GETS IN THE WAY OF KIRK AND SPOCK. and that isn't allowed! but i do think she's kind of a bamf.

Spock. ON A HORSE! ROFL Oh, and Winona was a nice breath of fresh air from the cliche sadly overused in the Reboot verse of her being neglectful. Hovercraft ticket to Iowa - 50 credits. Eating Jim's mom' vegetarian fare - 13 credits. Spock in flannel pajamas - priceless.
LMAO. This comment is so cute! Anyway, after I wrote that I seriously kept imagining Spock falling off a horse and giggling inappropriately. and I SERIOUSLY got tired of reading neglectful winona stories :)

HAHAHA I'm glad you liked number five. i had so much fun writing that. i almost wanted to add in the warning, "Btw scotty is not a woman," but i felt like that would give it away...

I'm beginning to think that you are my top Spock author. I can't seem to enjoy it with anybody but your stories.
awww this really makes me so happy!

thank you so much for this EPIC review! and for all your wonderful reviews! tee hee i must go work on that fic for the exchange xD

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I loved everything about this story. Because you know, from the title, you kind of expect Jim and an endless stream of women, all in more or less obnoxious situations. Instead, it reveals a gentle growth of relationship, a very touching, very cute description of Spock's crush, very mature, very sweet Jim, and the depth of grief and love gently entwining those two together.

I'm generally not a fan of virgin!Spock, but there are several ways to go about it, and you chose the most elegant one. And the setting was so beautiful.

In other words, awesome. <333

oh my thank you so much! *blush* i'm so glad you liked it. this is such a sweet review ~ it makes me smile.
i definitely thought about changing the title, bc i think it kind of misrepresents the fic, but this fic sort of walked into my head under that title and refused to let me change it (uh, yes, my fics control me...)

i didn't even plan to make spock a virgin, but when i wrote the sex scene it just sort of.. happened that way. oops! still, i'm glad you liked it. and i had so much fun with the setting... after the tarsus scene i was like, huh, now i want them to have sex.. but it can't just be like, "and then they had sex"... i wanted to include some kind of shore leave element :D

and *squeal* for being mem'd!

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awww thank you! this review is so sweet! and YAY for influencing personal canon!! *feels accomplished* use w.e. u want!

the idea of jim talking to graves is definitely what inspired this whole fic. it just seemed so totally jim! once it appeared in my head it refused to leave!

er, i'm actually pretty sure i stole the spock-telling-muscles-to-relax thing from some other fic, but i can't remember what. *facepalms* oops! so i totally know how that works..

anyway, thank you so much for this awesome review!

I enjoyed this a lot. I liked how it showed Kirk's connections to others besides Spock and Spock's growing love for him.

Nice to have the long friendship/relationship working up to the final.
Well written.

thank you so much! i'm glad you liked it :)

Aww man, so many good things in this fic! I loved the Gaila scene, and Jim's easy sensuality in the fic, and the underwater sex scene! Many many thumbs up!

awww thank you! so glad you enjoyed it :)